lost.

dear world, why is it so hard to be living here? i know it's much easier than other places in the world, but it seems like i just don't fit here. i don't know why i am so sad about it. i'm so unperfect. so many aspects of my life are wrong. i don't know how to be ok with it. how am i going to make it in this life? i am ill prepared for the real world. i don't understand how to manage money, and i'm so unorganized. i want to be better in life, but i just don't really believe in myself right now. i hope it changes. sorry for being so negative. goodnight. love.

distractions

I am supposed to be studying.
I should be a good student.
I make excuses.
I distract myself.
I don't know if I can really do it.
I don't think I can.

Or I don't really want to.

Ughhh

I feel so bad for Crystal,
I hope she feels better tomorrow

=\
She's one of my best friends.

Love.

cooking.

I'm feeling nostalgic with this rainy weather in Southern California.
It reminds me of the times when fall was so special!
My grandma would come to visit from Venezuela,
and we would start eating some yummy great food!
We would also make clothing, and decorations for the house.
I want to carry on those traditions!
It's part of me, and it will be forever.

But I need to get my act together.
I'm unorganized, poor and unable to do a lot of what I want to do.
First, of course I need to clean!
Then start saving more money.
I want to be able to buy ingredients to make yummy food.

Yesterday my boyfriend said he wished that I cooked for him.
He says he likes my cooking, and I believe him.
I don't think he would really go out with a woman who couldn't cook, LOL.
I do want to cook for him, but I just never have the time or ingredients.

Crystal, my room mate, is starting to cook a lot of Mexican dishes!
(Her mom is from there, so of course that is what she taught Crystal.)
I really want to learn from her, because first of all she cooks very well and it's Mexican food!
My boyfriend is Mexican, so I want to learn to make food that he likes.
Mexican food is so amazing, it's one of the BEST part of their culture!!
I can't really comprehend how they make such great food ...
but it definitely makes me happy =]

Well that's enough of a cooking rant for now.
Hopefully I will have an update with something I cooked soon!

Love.

humanity.

I don't know if that is the right title for this post.
After so many disappointments with people,
I mean A LOT.
Somebody finally proves me wrong.

My next door neighbor saw me about to walk my bike up the stairs,
and he offered to help me!

So strange.
It's a good thing though.
To get hope again.

I mean of course there are those people in my life,
that are wonderful and I have nothing to complain about.

But there are so many more that are just,
well any words that I would write about them are inappropriate.
You get the idea.

So yes, those less than preferable people in my life have some
GOOD in them. I just see too much of the BAD.

I just hope that doesn't make me a bad person.
It's just hard to like people like that.
I try to love them, like Jesus does.
But to do that, I have to remain at a distance.

At least, that's what I've learned.

Love.

dreams.

I have been having so many strange, but amazing dreams.
The kind that pop in your head when you're sleeping,
just in case you thought I meant the other kind.
=]
They are what I want, but I don't know what it means.
I'm scared if I want it too much, I won't end up getting it.
Its something I can't really control.
I'm just scared of what these dreams mean,
and I don't want it to mean the opposite.

I can't even share them, which is the worse part.
I could, but I don't want to be creepy.

I kind of hope they go away,
so they won't stress me out anymore!!

I guess we will just see what happens.
=]

Love.

life.

Yesterday we finished seeing the rest of Bella.
I do admit, I did tear up a bit.
It is really a good example of why you should always
say YES to life.
Nina would never have been able to see her baby
grow up if she went a different route.
It is a beautiful movie.

Later... and I mean much later,
I was greeted by a new life!!
At about 2:30 in the morning this morning,
I got to meet Paloma Mariella Suchsland =]
She is so adorable!!

It is amazing to witness a life being grown in a woman's womb,
and then come to life in about 9 months!!
I still am kind of freaked out by it.
But it still makes me very happy.
She is a wonderful baby girl,
and will grow up with a lot of love.
I am just happy to be a little part of the whole process,
even if I am just a spectator.
I hope I can be apart of her life and help her grow as well.

I also want to note that the picture Jorge took
of the wonderful baby girl is very cute,
and it looks like she's winking at us and saying,
"I know, I AM cute!" =]
Or something more profound like,
"I know all of the secrets of life,
but I'm not going to tell you!
You're just going to have to find out all on your own."

Love.

broke.

being broke isn't fun.
especially when you have to pay for stupid things like tickets.
and getting your car fixed.
=/
it is hard to know what I should do!

I'll have to figure it out this week.

love.

disappointments.

Why do they happen?
Maybe it's my fault.
But people always give them out!
Sometimes you think some friends will be better,
or this person will understand.
But it doesn't happen.
Everyone is the same.
Too bad.

Where can I find friends that don't do it AS MUCH?
I thought I knew...
oh well!

I guess I just need to meet new people.
The history department seems like a good place to look =]
There are some girls to choose from lol
I think I'm just too picky!

Love.

Young adult ministry

So many things keep me thinking about creating a young adult ministry somewhere. Simply for young adults, not college students or professional adults. Just for anybody who is in the in-between. Who needs a ministry they can call their own. I write this but how serious am I? I barely have enough time to live my own life! Why do I want to keep making it more complicated? I am a confusing person I guess.

We'll just see what happens.

Love.