Ughhh

I feel so bad for Crystal,
I hope she feels better tomorrow

=\
She's one of my best friends.

Love.

cooking.

I'm feeling nostalgic with this rainy weather in Southern California.
It reminds me of the times when fall was so special!
My grandma would come to visit from Venezuela,
and we would start eating some yummy great food!
We would also make clothing, and decorations for the house.
I want to carry on those traditions!
It's part of me, and it will be forever.

But I need to get my act together.
I'm unorganized, poor and unable to do a lot of what I want to do.
First, of course I need to clean!
Then start saving more money.
I want to be able to buy ingredients to make yummy food.

Yesterday my boyfriend said he wished that I cooked for him.
He says he likes my cooking, and I believe him.
I don't think he would really go out with a woman who couldn't cook, LOL.
I do want to cook for him, but I just never have the time or ingredients.

Crystal, my room mate, is starting to cook a lot of Mexican dishes!
(Her mom is from there, so of course that is what she taught Crystal.)
I really want to learn from her, because first of all she cooks very well and it's Mexican food!
My boyfriend is Mexican, so I want to learn to make food that he likes.
Mexican food is so amazing, it's one of the BEST part of their culture!!
I can't really comprehend how they make such great food ...
but it definitely makes me happy =]

Well that's enough of a cooking rant for now.
Hopefully I will have an update with something I cooked soon!

Love.

humanity.

I don't know if that is the right title for this post.
After so many disappointments with people,
I mean A LOT.
Somebody finally proves me wrong.

My next door neighbor saw me about to walk my bike up the stairs,
and he offered to help me!

So strange.
It's a good thing though.
To get hope again.

I mean of course there are those people in my life,
that are wonderful and I have nothing to complain about.

But there are so many more that are just,
well any words that I would write about them are inappropriate.
You get the idea.

So yes, those less than preferable people in my life have some
GOOD in them. I just see too much of the BAD.

I just hope that doesn't make me a bad person.
It's just hard to like people like that.
I try to love them, like Jesus does.
But to do that, I have to remain at a distance.

At least, that's what I've learned.

Love.

dreams.

I have been having so many strange, but amazing dreams.
The kind that pop in your head when you're sleeping,
just in case you thought I meant the other kind.
=]
They are what I want, but I don't know what it means.
I'm scared if I want it too much, I won't end up getting it.
Its something I can't really control.
I'm just scared of what these dreams mean,
and I don't want it to mean the opposite.

I can't even share them, which is the worse part.
I could, but I don't want to be creepy.

I kind of hope they go away,
so they won't stress me out anymore!!

I guess we will just see what happens.
=]

Love.

life.

Yesterday we finished seeing the rest of Bella.
I do admit, I did tear up a bit.
It is really a good example of why you should always
say YES to life.
Nina would never have been able to see her baby
grow up if she went a different route.
It is a beautiful movie.

Later... and I mean much later,
I was greeted by a new life!!
At about 2:30 in the morning this morning,
I got to meet Paloma Mariella Suchsland =]
She is so adorable!!

It is amazing to witness a life being grown in a woman's womb,
and then come to life in about 9 months!!
I still am kind of freaked out by it.
But it still makes me very happy.
She is a wonderful baby girl,
and will grow up with a lot of love.
I am just happy to be a little part of the whole process,
even if I am just a spectator.
I hope I can be apart of her life and help her grow as well.

I also want to note that the picture Jorge took
of the wonderful baby girl is very cute,
and it looks like she's winking at us and saying,
"I know, I AM cute!" =]
Or something more profound like,
"I know all of the secrets of life,
but I'm not going to tell you!
You're just going to have to find out all on your own."

Love.

broke.

being broke isn't fun.
especially when you have to pay for stupid things like tickets.
and getting your car fixed.
=/
it is hard to know what I should do!

I'll have to figure it out this week.

love.

disappointments.

Why do they happen?
Maybe it's my fault.
But people always give them out!
Sometimes you think some friends will be better,
or this person will understand.
But it doesn't happen.
Everyone is the same.
Too bad.

Where can I find friends that don't do it AS MUCH?
I thought I knew...
oh well!

I guess I just need to meet new people.
The history department seems like a good place to look =]
There are some girls to choose from lol
I think I'm just too picky!

Love.

Young adult ministry

So many things keep me thinking about creating a young adult ministry somewhere. Simply for young adults, not college students or professional adults. Just for anybody who is in the in-between. Who needs a ministry they can call their own. I write this but how serious am I? I barely have enough time to live my own life! Why do I want to keep making it more complicated? I am a confusing person I guess.

We'll just see what happens.

Love.

My Blog.

Needed a new look!
haha ...
I'm probably going to be changing it all the time now!

=]

Love.

summer ends.

So....
after working from 8am-5pm Monday through Friday pretty much ALL summer,
it is finally over.
It was nice making more money, but it took over almost my whole summer break.
And I think it's funny that now there is a heat wave, when fall semester is starting!

Today was my first day of classes this semester.
It is nice to be back, getting into the groove of things.
It is something familiar.
I want this semester to be different.
I want to be very organized with my time,
and school work, and bills!

We are getting internet in our apartment!
My roommates and I are growing every month to be more responsible and mature.
It is a great journey.
I am so happy that I made the leap to move out of my parents house, and move
in with these wonderful young adult women.
I think we are really helping each other become successful adult women.
Whatever "successful" means for each one of us.

Well that is my update after summer.
I wish I had written during the summer,
but realistically I really didn't have any time.
Another goal this semester is to keep up with my blogging.
I like to think about what I'm learning everyday.
Maybe even blog with more pictures of my life.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog!

love.

a real job.

I think you can call what I do from 8-5 Mon, Wed, & Fri that.
I'm going to be working full time during the summer.

Making bank!

I actually like doing this working in a cubicle thing.
I'm part of the "white collar" class now.

The next thing is wearing professional attire 3 days out of the week.
It was only one when I was working part time.

I just need to manage my money well and pay off my bills on time.

One more step to becoming a responsible adult.

Love.

happiness.

is one way to describe it.
enjoying every moment.
i didn't think i would have anything like this happen to me.


sometimes i don't think i even deserve it.
that's how i know i've always been a little pessimistic.

<3

sometimes.

I wish I was someone else.
In another place.
Another time.

But then I remember.
What it took for me to even come into this world.
All of the circumstances.
It's so much to think about.
Too much.

I am meant to be here.
But why?
What am I supposed to do?

Sometimes I think I know.
I think God might be laughing at me saying,
"You have no idea."

I want to find out!
All I can do is continue to learn, listen & pray.
Maybe I'll get closer to the answer.

Love.

a song for two.

Jorge asked me to be his girlfriend yesterday on Valentine's day
at Cat and the Fiddle while listening to Jazz music,
and of course I accepted.
So cute! =]

This was playing without the lyrics:

Don't get around much anymore

	Kol Haruach Klezmer Band - Don't Get Around Much Anymore
	Found at skreemr.com

then:

my funny valentine

	Bernadette Seacrest and her Provocateurs - My Funny Valentine
	Found at skreemr.com

First one sound's good, but the lyrics are less than preferable. LOL
Second one is cute & funny, but I don't know if it should be "our song."

I think we will find another song that is amazing =]

Love.

feeling.

New feelings.
I've never felt before.

It's amazing!

So real, it's scary!

Makes me feel alive.

I'm happy.

=]

Love.

BEST.

?

EVER!

=]

Love.

running through my head.

I have been reminded of Justin many times in this week!

Sunday: Natalie
Monday: Kiley & Martin
Today: Tatu song playing.

I think that I need to visit him.
He needs people who love him.

He was like a brother to me,
why do I have to think about it so much?

Tatu: All the thing she said, all the things she said, running through my head, running through my head, all the things she said. It is not enough.

Do I really look like one of those girls, or was he just messing with me?

Love.

groundhog's day.

First of all,
I actually really like that movie!

Phil saw his shadow, so we will have winter for another 6 weeks.
But he's only 39% accurate, so should I believe it?
What does winter really mean in southern California?
I guess some more rain.

I'm okay with that.

I wasn't here for the crazy storms, so I'd still like some more rain.

Now if I had to relive a day over & over until I finally got it right,
I would try to kill myself too.

But it's a good lesson.

I just hope that I am living everyday to the fullest.
That I'm doing what I was meant to do.

I think today will end up being a great day.

=]

p.s. Both of my history classes are great. Highlights of my tues/thurs, but I think Biology is going to make this a very long semester!

Love.

happyness.

I think I deserve it.
I've gone through enough already!

I just need to listen to my heart this time.
I can't always rely on my brain to help me.

<3

Love.

p.s. I know it's spelled wrong =]

chronically

single!

Am I too independent minded?
I think I'm ready.
We'll see what happens.

ps.
I <3 She&Him
I wish I could sing like Zooey!
I want to be more like her.
The only celebrity I would try to be like.
LOL

She sings beautifully,
wears the cutest outfits,
and seems very classy!

Love.

realize.

I write things in here that I don't even tell my closest friends.
I am so strange.
What's wrong with me?

I remembered other things I have learned:
Not to have a person in between.
It's happened with every single guy I've "dated" or whatever.
Although it's only been 3 LOL
I don't know why.
But NEVER again!

I can't waste my time anymore.
Potential doesn't mean anything.

I can't expect anything from anyone.
Until they give me reason to do so!
I already learned that,
but for some reason haven't implemented it fully!
Just another reminder I guess.

& I need to listen to Rilo Kiley!
just give a little love to get a little love.
A LITTLE BIT!

I am happy with myself.
Understanding things helps so much!

Love.

official...

...ly over.

How did I know what he was going to say?

I get over things so easily, it kinda scares me.
Like there is something wrong with me.
I feel like I'm kinda mean too.
I hope not!

I learned a lot.
More about myself & what I need.
What I want from a relationship,
from a man who wants me in his life.
Who wants to be apart of mine.

I just hope I'm enough for someone to want that.
To want me.
Is that bad?
I hope not.

love.

I don't get it.

I thought I was sure.
I guess I don't really know him, still.
Isn't it supposed to be easy?
We have to talk, which is kind of ridiculous.
Ughh I don't like doing that.
I feel like such an annoying & desperate girl.
But that is so not me!
I am like a guy when it comes to stuff like this.
Oh well.
I just have to wait & see.

I'm not so sure anymore.

Love.